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Author Topic: Husband Jokes  (Read 619 times)

Offline bobxing

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Husband Jokes
« on: November 02, 2010, 01:53:50 AM »
Friend: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."!

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My IndiaHow can you tell the married men at a wedding reception?
They’re the ones dancing with everyone but their wives.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My IndiaWhat is a wedding tragedy?
To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My IndiaHow do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves?
Buy her a diamond ring.

Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My India Jokes,Thisismyindia, This is My IndiaHow do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to getting their laundry done free.






]** I see your face, when I am dreaming.
That's why I always, wake up screaming.

** Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything that you're not.

** Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

** I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

** Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

** I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

** I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

** My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

** My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

** What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

** She: Don't you think a little common sense would prevent many divorces?
He: Why, I'm sure that it would keep people from getting married in the first place!

** Have you heard of the man who never worried about his marriage, until he moved from Delhi to Bombay and discovered that he still had the same milkman?

** An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage. A pesimist is a married optimist.
** A husband is one who lays down the law for his wife and then accepts all her amendments.

** In married life, office plays a very imporant role. It's the place where you relax from your strenuos home life!

** Two ladies were discussing what they should wear to the club dance.
"We're supposed to wear something to match our husband's hair. So I'm going to wear black," said Mrs. Johnson.
"Goodness", gasped her companion. "I don't think I'll go. My husband is bald."

** Confirmed Bachelors know more about women than married men; that's why they are bachelors.

** "I love your daughter very dearly, sir," said the young man. "I would suffer deeply if I ever caused her a moment's unhapppiness."
"You certainly would," replied the father. "That girl is her mother all over - and I should know!"

** After a few months of marriage Aparna's husband reported her Missing. Police found her, but she refused to come back.
"We met while playing mixed doubles tennis," she said.
"When we married we planned to have 2 boys and 2 girls, to form our own mixed doubles. Now my husband is bored with tennis and mad about football. There are 11 boys in a soccer team and I'm worried."

** Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

** Two friends, who hadn't seen each other in several years, met on the street.
"Who are you working for now?" asked the first.
"Same people," answered the other. "My wife and four children."

** A young accountant stayed late at the office day after day. Finally, the boss called him in and asked for an explanation.

"Well, you see sir," he stammered, "my wife works, too -- and if I get home before she does, I have to cook the dinner."

** A friend asked a lady: "I suppose you carry a momento of some sort in that locket of yours?"
"Yes, a strand of my husband's hair."
"But your husband's still alive!"
"Yes, but his hair's gone."

** First Soldier: "What made U go into the army?"
Second Soldier: "I had no wife and I loved war. What about you?"
First Soldier: "Well, I had a wife and loved peace."

** They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

** It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!

** It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ...... the KAAMWALI

** A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

** What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

** Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

** Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

** Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
 Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

** If your wife wants to learn to drive,
don't stand in her way.


« Last Edit: November 02, 2010, 01:56:07 AM by bobxing »




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Offline bobxing

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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2010, 01:54:38 AM »

Advice to the Newly Married Couple


At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"

I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"

Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right."
« Last Edit: November 02, 2010, 01:57:20 AM by bobxing »
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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2010, 01:54:38 AM »

Offline bobxing

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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2010, 01:56:34 AM »

Zero to 200


A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.


Notice
Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation," Dallas, Texas.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2010, 01:42:29 AM by bobxing »
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Offline raju

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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2010, 02:44:39 AM »
really interesting buddy.
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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2010, 02:44:39 AM »

Offline bobxing

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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2010, 02:45:36 AM »
Quote from: raju on November 02, 2010, 02:44:39 AM
really interesting buddy.

Now it should be interesting...lol
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Offline akhil

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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2010, 11:30:37 AM »
amazing jokes my friend . thanks you very much for such a wonderful share
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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2010, 11:30:37 AM »

Offline raju

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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2010, 10:54:10 PM »
waiting for more bro.
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Offline bobxing

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Re: Husband Jokes
« Reply #7 on: November 03, 2010, 01:22:08 AM »
A Husband said to his wife One day "I don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time ,"
The wife responded ," Allow me to explain ,God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me ; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !"


Tormented by her husband's infidelities a wife decided to take some decisive action. So the next night she took a magic marker pen and printed the following legend on the crotch of her panties " LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT"

A husband read an article to his wife , about how many words women use a day is 30,000.But in the case of a man it is 15,000.The wife replied "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men".The husband then turned to his wife and asked , "What?"
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